DEPARTMENT STORE; LANE CRAWFORD [A.V.O ME]

Dear Lane Crawford -

I need you to take an AVO out on me.

By AVO, I mean nothing other then an Apprehended Violence Order.

I am OBSESSED with you. You & all your beautiful, decadent luxurious brands. Your amazing stores, that I find myself hovering in around closing time, just hopping your plethora of security guards don't find me hiding in a change room so that I get locked in for the evening to play in all that is your wonderfulness.

I have an unhealthy obsession with shopping in very expensive & lustful places. I love to spend time with my neartest & dearest; Stella McCartney (The new AW 2010 collection - I mean, wow), Tory Burch & Chloe. Christian (Louboutin) is usually there & its great to catch up with Jimmy Choo.

While this in theory is my dream environment, The problem is... I. Want. EVERYTHING.

Even the the new fluro yellow Jimmy Choo's (& Lane, I don't even LIKE fluro!) but these, I NEED. I fear that, not being able to actually own everything in your stores, I may get violent. Like a gilted lover not allowed her object (in my case OBJECTS) of desire, I may start to stalk you. Therefore, for your (& my credit cards) safety, I would really appreciate you issue an AVO. This way, I am legally not allowed within 200 meters of you & I am hoping this keeps money in my bank account & diminishes my burning desire to set up house in your flagship store in Central Hong Kong's IFC building.

Yours Truly (Obsessed),

Samantha

PS, I really would like to live in your IFC Flagship store - if this is a possibility, call me.